I have a date Thursday. That’s two days from now, one now. I’m not sure what time it is, it’s night.

I am so very nervous. he worked at my school. He graduated college last year, he’s 25. He’s not all too attractive. he makes me laugh all the time though, or he use to. I haven;t seen him in a very long time. Almost a year now.

Our school’s funds were cut down big time and they had to fire the college interns. See its not that bad because he was in college when i met him. So it’s not a pervy thing. Plus i kind on incited him. So, its mostly my fault. He kept saying i was young, so young ,blah-blah. And you know, i couldn’t let him get away with it. So i threw some lines, tried to be clever and witty. And now I’m meeting him Thursday. It’s a good thing i don’t a phone now because then I’d have to talk to him more frequently and i’d go insane.

I don’t know why i’m so anxious. maybe because a part of me is afraid of wherre it will lead. That i don’t want to hurt him (which would really sow him, he kept saying he didn’t want to “hurt me” like, if anyone’s doing the hurting its going to me, ya heard.) i don’t want to tell him i don’t like him or chicken out. i don’t know. maybe it’ll be good for me. I shelter myself into these one man conversations too much.

There’s the shower for those, i need to start living. he also lives in Boston and i live a good while from there. he said he’ll be here at 6pm which sounds more like a booty call to me but hay, he’s an “adult” so he has a different system going for him. UGH. I just don’t know. if only he was taller! i can deal with just about anything, a good personality and a guy taller then me and i’m good.

He’s not though, but he has such a great personality, good taste-in a hispter kind of way. He works at a radio station and get to be cool. UGH. I just don’t know. I told him I might chicken out. But I’m very good at pulling people in.

Then i shove them away.

I’m a horrible, horribly, miserable human being.